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September 9, 2005

Evil Karl Rove masterminds deaths of conservative icons for political gain

John Semmens satire:
Dean Denounces Timing of Rehnquist’s Death

September 9, 2005

Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean complained that the timing of Supreme Court Chief Justice William Rehnquist’s death was “highly suspicious.”

“Last year, Reagan conveniently died just in time to take attention away from Bush’s failed Iraq War and boost Bush’s chances for reelection,” said Dean. “Now, in the midst of Bush’s failure to prevent the extermination of downtrodden, minority New Orleans’ hurricane victims, Justice Rehnquist conveniently dies. Am I the only one who sees a pattern here?”

Dean charged that presidential advisor Karl Rove was masterminding these strategically timed deaths of conservative icons. “Not only do these deaths distract Americans from Bush’s blunders, they also serve as a cover for Rove’s nefarious scheme to suppress Democratic voter turnout in next year’s Congressional elections by evacuating New Orleans hurricane victims to other states,” claimed Dean.

Dean demanded that the Democratic Party be authorized to cast absentee ballots on behalf of the evacuated hurricane victims. “These dispersed people are mostly poor and uneducated,” said Dean. “Many are on welfare. Others are driven to a life of crime. These are the people the Democratic Party represents. Who could object to us casting their ballots for them during this time of turmoil?”

Dean said he will be working with key members of Congress to draft enabling legislation.
It's logically sound, so why can't it be true? Or as Rev. Jackson might say, It's conceivable, thus it's believable.

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